As human beings we are prone to attachment, we become attached to things, to our stories, to our beliefs and we become attached to people. The parent-child relationship creates attachment, for both the parent and the child. That attachment is sometimes very difficult to let go off, particularly for the parent.
However, there are a few things to consider, that can prepare your mind, so that you know when it is time to let go of the parenting role.
1. Stop living life through your child.
Knowing when to let go, means that you stop living life through your child. Many parents live their lives through their children, trying to make their children, copies of themselves. They tell their children what to think, instead of teaching their children, how to think. They pass on to their children old, outdated thoughts and limiting beliefs which has been passed down to them by their parents for generations. As a parent, your duty is to teach your child how to think, how their thoughts, affect their lives, and how to choose thoughts that will create their desired reality.
Many parents find themselves involved in all aspects of their children’s lives. They invade their space, they form friendship groups, based not on people who have something in common with them, but who their children’s friends are. As a mother, you should have your own life, your own social group, and your own friends.
An emerging phenomenon is parents who use their children as a social commodity, a product to gain social collateral. This varies on a continuum, from parents creating billion-dollar businesses using their children as their brand, to those who use their children, simply to gain a few likes on Facebook. Though we may not see the effects of this now, as the child grows up, it will soon become apparent.
Many parents try to make their children into something they wish they were. They try to make up for their failures in life, they try to make up for regrets, they try to achieve dreams they gave up on, through their children. They forget about their own lives, their own happiness, and focus on their children’s. This never works and results, in an inability to let go.
watch on YouTube:
2. Prepare your child for the outside world.
Knowing when it is time to let go, involves preparing your child for the outside world.
The most important part of preparing your child for the outside world, is to lay down a solid foundation of thought, belief and perspective. Your child should be taught how to believe in themselves, self-belief. They should be instilled with self-confidence. They should be able to be alone, without falling apart or feeling lonely. They should find pleasure in their own company. Your child should be taught how to lead, and not follow.
Another important part of preparing your child for the outside world, is to teach your child, life skills. Teach your child how to be independent, how to drive, how to cook, clean, how to survive on their own. Teach your child the value of money. It is an old limiting thought, that precludes parents from discussing money with their children. Your child should be taught, how to make money, how to spend it, how to save it, and how to not squander it, or become obsessed with it. Teach your child how to interact with people. How to not view others with fear, but with love, how to see others as either superior or inferior to them.
Most importantly teach your child how to think for themselves. Because our children have been with us from infants, we fail to realise when the child begins to think for itself. So, we continue to think for that child, not allowing the child to use their own minds to come up with solutions to their problems.
Do not worry, if it appears that the life skills that you impart unto your child as not being assimilated, they are. They are like seeds planted in fertile ground, that wait for the right time to germinate and sprout shoots.
3. Letting go is the most loving thing you can do for your child
All human beings have a basic need to feel free, to have no limitations placed on them, to have no one tell them who they are, who and what they can be, and what they can and cannot do. When their freedom is impeded, they will pretend, until they cannot pretend anymore, they will wait for the first opportunity to seize their freedom, and then they will begin to be themselves. At that point, they are referred to as rebellious teens. It is as the apple in the garden of Eden, the thing that you tell someone they should not do, becomes the most desired thing, no matter how dangerous it appears.
Allow Your child to make their own mistakes and to learn from them as early as possible. There is no need to keep sheltering children, lying to them, pretending with them, in an attempt to protect them from the big bad world. Children should be allowed to take responsibility, to apologise if need be and to make amends for their mistakes if necessary.
The greatest demonstration of love is the ability to let go. It is a fear-based mentality that instils in us the need to hold on, to cling to, and to hoard our love ones. it is a lie we believe as the truth, that if we let go, our children will stop loving us. By not knowing when to let go, you are doing a disservice to your child and to yourself. If you have done your job right, your child will never stop loving you.
Your children are only with you for a part of your journey, not the entirety. Therefore, it is important to know when to let go. The fastest way to lose someone, is trying to hold on to them, when it is time to let go.
Joyce Louison | New Thought Movement UK